When God Calls: Testimony of Hannah Faith

Gods Call

Sometime in March 2024 I started to feel a tug on my heart that we were supposed to have another baby, but truthfully did not want another one so I tried my hardest to ignore it. But I just couldn’t shake it.

I began to pray about it and prayed “Lord if this is what you want for us, Josh is going to need a new job.” A few weeks later I was driving Leila to the park and felt the Lord tell me to immediately pray for a new job for him and the direction of our future. Within ONE HOUR of praying, Josh calls me and says “this new job just kind of fell into my lap!” Of course I knew in that moment it did not just fall into his lap. God was hard at work unraveling his plan for us right in front of my eyes.

I knew he was telling me that another baby was coming up next, but I still didn’t think that was enough confirmation. A few days later my grandpa passed away and I kept replaying something in my heart that he told me before we had Leila…”you can’t change the timing of what God has planned for you.”

I knew what God was up to, but I am stubborn so I persistently requested more confirmation that he did indeed want us to be having another one.

I couldn’t even count all of the times he made it clear to me what was next in our testimony. It got to the point where I even said “okay God, if a baby is what you have for us, please show me an orange dragon.”

It’s silly, I know. But out of pure curiosity and stubbornness, I made this request. Later that day I was watching a movie with Leila and all of the sudden, AN ORANGE DRAGON flew across the screen. I had never noticed this scene before, but it was clear as day. I laughed and just surrendered, “OKAY God, I get it! You have another baby for us. Thank you for entertaining my silly request of confirmation.”

During this time of prayer and seeking clarification from the Lord, Leila wanted to read Samuel over and over again in her Bible. Samuel’s mother, Hannah, intensely prayed for God to bless her with a baby. Which he did, Samuel. Leila was obsessed with the little drawings of baby Samuel in her Bible. So we kept reading it over and over again.

By now it was almost June. Josh was about to head to Africa for 2 weeks so I didn’t bring it up to him. I just continued to pray about it. Yes, up until this I hadn’t told Josh about any of it…this was all between God and I for months.

While he was in Africa I was cleaning out some boxes, reached in and pulled out this newborn onesie. I had no clue where it came from. It wasn’t one of Leila’s. But as soon as I held it up, I fell to my knees sobbing. It was as if I was mourning someone who had yet to exist. We were very clearly missing someone in our house. That was the final “okay God” moment. I surrender to this call.

I began to pray that God show Josh this was what he had for us because I knew he wouldn’t be on board if it came from me. THAT DAY in Africa, a pastor there told him that he believed God had another baby for us when he came back home. When he told me about it, I wept. How absolutely amazing is our God to weave all of this together so effortlessly and perfectly? And to use someone across the world who didn’t even speak our language to tell Josh…wow. Just wow.

When he came home he was still a little hesitant, which I understood of course. It took me months to even give in and allow God to truly work in this because I was so stubborn. But I knew deep in my soul that this is what God had for us so I continued to pray about it. I even fasted and dove hard into the word and deep into prayer that God would make it clear to him also if it TRULY was what God had planned for us. Which I knew it was.

Finally Josh said “I’m not really feeling a flashing arrow telling me this is his plan, but I keep going back to scripture to be fruitful and multiply so let’s do it” (quite literally )

I had been tracking my cycle closely for a while so I knew exactly when “the time” would be to conceive a baby. BUT God laughed and made it known that he was in control and threw off my cycle for the first time in years. My cycle was to the day for so long. But this one time it wasn’t so we surrendered to his call on our life to have another baby. He made it clear that we needed to not stress the process and just trust his timing. So we did just that.

I was out at sessions one day and all of the sudden felt a sharp pain and knew right away I was ovulating. It was so late from when I should have. But I knew in my heart God was working. 9 days later our dog started acting weird, I could suddenly smell EVERYTHING and that night Leila randomly prayed “Thank you God for the baby in mommy’s tummy”, to which Josh thought I was telling him something but I was just as confused and shocked as he was. The next morning I decided to take a test, knowing it was still a little too early to get a positive. But sure enough, a bright pink double line popped up. I just stood there in shock and awe.

God really just used our 3 year old to deliver the news of his goodness and promise. How amazing is that?

As with all good things from the Lord, came many trials and attacks from the enemy. From heart problems, extreme hormonal rage, doubt and much more. The enemy was ruthless the entire pregnancy to tear our house down. To tear me down.

With Leila I had severe postpartum depression, anxiety and psychosis. To the point where I was hallucinating demons and convinced I needed to take my own life. I slipped into a bad time with marijuana and alcohol during this. It was not good. The enemy kept reminding me of that time. Haunting me with fear that I would go through it again this time. I began to pray the Lord would have healing and redemption in my postpartum with this next baby. I did not want to face the same battle I did the first time around.

The more I prayed for redemption and healing, the more attacks I faced. The more anger that I felt. The meaner I was to my family. You could say it was hormones, but I know it was the enemy fighting me. He wanted to chokehold me in a place he once had me, but I am so much stronger now than I was then. I was not going to let him win this time.

From multiple trips to triage, wearing a heart monitor for a week, high blood pressure, constant preeclampsia bloodwork, to her heart rate jumping too high and then her not moving for over 24 hours at the end. It was a rollercoaster of attacks. I was being handed nicu stay paperwork to prepare for her coming way too early. Our goal was to just keep her in until 37 weeks (spoiler, she was born exactly on her 37 week date). The enemy was absolutely ruthless in trying to give us all the fear and doubt that he could. Having faith was the only thing that got me through that. Faith in knowing God already had it all taken care of. He chose her for us and made that very clear. I knew he wasn’t going to allow the enemy to win the battle.

Picking A Name

When we found out the baby was a girl, we knew we wanted a biblical name. I was set that Faith was either the middle name or her first name because it took immense faith from us both to trust that God really did have another baby in our future. We had decided her name would be Rebecca Faith. Rebecca was biblical and it sounded good with Faith as her middle name. Days went on and for some reason I kept saying her name was Hannah. I would even go to buy something custom with her name on it and type in Hannah instead of Rebecca. I finally told Josh I didn’t think she was meant to be named Rebecca, her name was Hannah. Going back to Leila being obsessed with baby Samuel, Hannah was a perfect fit for this journey of prayer and faith, just like Hannah had trusting God in blessing her with a baby.

Birth

Easter Sunday I stopped being able to feel her move, which was alarming because she was a very active baby. I tried everything I could to get her to move and she just wouldn’t. I had an appointment at 8a Monday morning with my high risk doctor so I let them know she wasn’t moving. My blood pressure was high, which they had been monitoring and preparing for early induction anyways. But then after an hour and a half of trying to get her to move on an ultrasound, they couldn’t get her to move. The doctor came in and let me know that her and my OB decided that it wasn’t safe for me to have baby girl inside anymore and that they were sending me in for immediate induction.

I was flood with a wave of intense emotions. Fear, excitement, sadness. I had a whole plan of what Leila and I were going to do in our last week together before everything changed for her. God had other plans for us and that is okay.

I rushed home to grab our bags, get Leila to where she needed to be, get Josh, and head back to the hospital. We arrived and they started the induction process right away. I started contracting almost immediately and my body was on board with the induction. Thankfully! There was a point in the process that I was screaming in pain, but I put on some worship music and cried through the pain. Partially tears of ache, but also just tears of thankfulness that I was even able to experience the pain. Thankfulness that I was about to meet this little person God so carefully gifted to us.

A few hours later, at 5a I felt her drop really low and felt the “pressure” and need to push. The team came in and said it was definitely time to push. I felt comfort from the Lord and began to push. 9 minutes later our sweet girl was out and on my chest. I reached down and grabbed her as they put her on me, she let out a cry and just felt this overwhelming sense of healing from God. Healing from the trauma I had once experienced from birth the first time. Healing from the painful feeling of seeing Leila purple and limp when she came out with the cord wrapped 3 times around her neck. Healing from all the fears I had around what birth would be like this time with Hannah. It was so surreal to feel the Lord quite literally put his hand on me and heal it all. I just sobbed. I couldn’t believe it. I felt so redeemed.

The longer we were in the hospital, despite the trauma and pain my lady bits endured, I felt continued redemption and healing for the postpartum stage. Nothing felt the way it did before. I was in love with it all. So much so Josh and I said we could do it again for a third baby. Coming from us “one and done” people, that was huge!

We are now over a month into this and I feel bliss. Even when we don’t get any sleep. Even on the hard days. I just feel peace and bliss. With Leila I was already in the pits of hell of postpartum depression. I had hated every second of postpartum with her. My hormones and my body were so off balanced. I dove into a very very dark place. With Hannah, everything I prayed for has come to fruition.

I don’t know where you’re at in your walk with the Lord, or if you have even begun a walk with him. But I can assure you that his goodness and faithfulness are worth every battle you will fight against the enemy. Our God is true and he is holy. He is loving and he is divine. I will never stop telling of how amazing he is. The blessings and testament of our life speak boldly of who he is. Hannah is only a small part of our large testimony that show how true and spectacular the Lord is.