For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a momma. It’s just something I knew I was meant to be. When I was 19 and told I likely would never get pregnant, I was devastated and spent years mourning what I assumed would never be. Doctor after doctor continued to tell us the same thing. Everything from “we should do a hysterectomy now” to “prepare yourselves for the idea of adoption”. We heard it all. Once we went through cancer the doctors continued telling us once again that our chances were very slim. Devastated yet again, I leaned into God and simply prayed daily for comfort in his timing and plan. 4 years went by and God was still telling us “not yet”. So we didn’t even try. Not yet meant not yet, so there was no point in stressing about it. We built our relationship on a firm foundation knowing God was in control of all things we would face in this life, this was no different. Our prayers grew stronger as my heart longed deeper and deeper for motherhood. I was READY. My prayers became asking God for the opportunity to be a mom and thanking him for the life he built for us. Trusting in his timing and plan every single moment of the process.
I woke up one morning and God told me “it’s today.” And let me tell you, it was a very clear command that it was THAT exact day that he was ready. I fought it all day long and tried to convince myself that I wasn’t actually listening to God and that I was just so desperately longing for this baby so much so that I was telling myself today was the day. The battle in my heart continued throughout the day in every single moment. I even avoided Josh at all costs. TMI, but the night came and God really was practically yelling at me NOW. Then I heard Josh start snoring and I argued with God, “well clearly not now…he’s asleep”. “Wake him up.” He told me. So I did just that. 2 weeks and 4 days later I woke up and popped up in bed and the first thing I said to Josh was “I think I need to take a pregnancy test” and his response was “okay, but don’t get your hopes up, it’s not likely that we actually got pregnant on the first try.” So we got up, Josh began his work day and I ran downstairs to take the test. POSITIVE. I could not believe my eyes. I stood there in absolute shock for several minutes. In complete awe of God and thankfulness for listening when he said NOW. He really was telling me that NOW was the time.
Our Birth Story:
My blood pressure spiked at my 39 week appointment on 11/9, which they had been concerned about for months and were watching me closely. At this point my OB said she needed to send me directly to L&D for a work up to check for preeclampsia but I had been in triage a few days prior with negative pre-e results so she decided they would just schedule an induction for me for the next day at 11a. I REALLY did not want to be induced but I knew if it meant keeping baby and I safe that I would trust Gods plans for it. From the beginning of pregnancy I had been praying that induction was not in our plan but that I trusted God in whatever he had planned for us as his plan would be perfect no matter what it entailed.
Josh took the day off of work so we planned to go out for a big breakfast at Wecks. Since you can’t eat once you are in the hospital I really wanted to have a big meal before going in. Right before heading out the hospital calls and tells us that they need to push the induction back to 5p due to staff shortage and lack of rooms available. But we decided we’d still go to breakfast (because I did not want to cook or have dishes to do that day 😂). Upon arriving we run into our pastor and his wife and end up having a wonderful breakfast with them and just bask in all of Gods glory for our day ahead! We laughed and talked about our journey leading up to this day and our journey of what was to come after. He even shared with us that he had a dream the night before that we had our sweet girl! Clearly God was at work here! As we were sitting and eating I started having contractions….yes, on my own! We head home and the contractions began intensifying and were 3 minutes apart, but I decided to just wait it out since we were scheduled to go in at 5 anyways and we knew they didn’t have any rooms available. We left the house around 4p and go get Chick-Fil-A (obviously 😂) and eat it in the hospital parking lot. They called me again and said they would need to move my induction to the next day because they still had no rooms available, to which I informed them I had been in consistent labor for 6 hours already. We head up to triage and checked in and while standing there I had this super intense and painful contraction that did not feel quite like the others and I told Josh “wow, these hurt so much worse standing up!”. They checked us in and handed me a gown and cup to pee in. As soon as I went to change and pee in the cup…..my water breaks! I could not believe it! I came out laughing and told Josh and his immediate response was “Shut up! No it did not” because we’re always joking around with each other! Nope, I was dead serious! We laughed and talked about how amazing God was for his perfect timing of everything. Here I was, praying the whole pregnancy for natural labor, scheduled to be induced and now in labor all on my own, with my water breaking the second I am getting into a hospital gown. It was absolutely incredible. I labored for 5 long and excruciating hours in triage while waiting for a room (which if you’ve ever been in triage, you know how horribly uncomfortable it is in that tiny little room and awful bed). Finally they checked me and I had only gone from 1 to 2cm in those 5 hours. I originally did not want an epidural but I knew if I was not progressing that I wouldn’t have the energy to deliver her safely. I was having contractions that were so painful I was on the verge of passing out with every single one. We finally got into a room around 11:30p and they gave me the epidural right away (praise Jesus!) I could finally somewhat relax. I needed the break! I wasn’t progressing from 2cm still, so they gave me some pitocin to help. Which I then went from 2 to 4cm in a couple of hours. The nurse came back in and flipped me on my side and increased the pitocin a bit. Within an hour I suddenly could feel EVERYTHING again. And I mean EVERYTHING. The epidural was no longer working and I was back to screaming. This time I was uncontrollably shaking too. She checked me again and I went from 4 to 9cm in that hour and baby girl was laying on a nerve blocking the epidural from working! She flipped me back over and the anesthesiologist came in and directly administered more into the catheter to help ease what I was feeling. An hour later they all came back in and it was time to start pushing! On my left was my amazing husband holding my leg (he had been telling me for months he would NOT be looking at the birthing process, so this was a shock) and on my right was one of my brides, Leanne, holding the other leg! Both ready to coach me and encourage me through every single push! Josh grabbed my phone and turned on my worship playlist and we began 15-20 minutes of hard core pushing and out comes miss Leila at 5:33a….purple, limp and cord wrapped around her neck. You see, this was actually a huge blessing in disguise because she had pooped in utero prior to my water breaking, so we were concerned about her taking her first breath and inhaling it, risking infection, but God had her wrapped and unable to take that breath which allowed the room to fill with nurses that were able to get a tube down her nose into her little lungs and suction out all the fluid to keep her safe and healthy! At last she was on my chest and I could hold my sweet girl. She calmly and quietly laid on me and stared up at me with her little hand touching my face! What a bitter sweet moment her and I will forever share and I will always keep close to my heart. Absolutely unforgettable. Dramatic entrance into the world, because well, she is MY child 😂
Gods presence was felt during the entire process from the moment he told me it was time to conceive to the moment she came into this world. She will forever be our greatest blessing and testament to his undeniably amazing Grace.